A Sporting Chance (written for men's section)

The Christmas period is, without doubt, prime time to indulge in some gratuitous film watching action. When you have consumed your body weight in turkey, drank sherry, port and snowballs with your nan and even tried weird things that you would never normally eat like dates and gentleman’s relish (bleurgh and you’re not even hungry), what else is there to do apart from have a sugar crash in front of the television?
What do we really want to watch? Sport. We can’t actually get away with that because the female contingent in the living room will start moaning. What’s the solution? Well it’s kind of a compromise really: a film about sport. Everyone wins- it’s what Christmas is all about, kind of.
So what is a sports film? Simple- a film with athletes or events at the centre of the narrative. Unfortunately, what makes a great sports film is far more complicated. There have been countless polls heralding the best sporting films of all time and they tend to conflict with one another because it is very difficult to judge this genre objectively. It is not possible to apply logic; a legendary sports flick does not necessarily owe its success to directorial panache, flawless editing, a faultless script or even a talented cast. Films that tend to remain in the cinematic canon have a somewhat enigmatic quality-they get under our skin. We are boy again, heart pounding, on the pitch and it is death or glory. Or something like that.
Despite there being no winning formula to base my recommendations on, there are some elements common to victorious sporting films for you to watch out for. Use them as a benchmark, if you will:
• The underdog triumphs- he was mercilessly bullied throughout the film. Rather than crawl away into a den of despair, this spurs him on. He rises out of the ashes and we all applaud his newfound courage and strength.
• The inspirational but generally grouchy mentor- he is reluctant, steeped in recent failure, some would say washed up. His cynicism makes it difficult to initially see the sheer genius that is right in front of him. His slow realization gives him a new lease of life and a heartwarming second chance.
• The last minute turn-around- Failure is imminent; there is nothing that can be done to salvage victory. But wait, time out, coach has a crazy idea. It’s left field but what’s to lose? This final decision turns the game around and hands the trophy back to its rightful owners
• Beauty and the beast- she’s the one that everyone wants but somehow she has managed to escape becoming a complete bitch. Unfortunately her taste in men is questionable to begin with but, over the course of the film, she has epiphany and sees beyond shallow looks, realizing that sheer sporting genius is what floats her boat. She therefore shacks up with the underdog, regardless of how aesthetically challenged he is.
• A Hero who has some kind of cross to bear- he has a talent, no-one can deny that, but it has come at a price. It could be financial or academic but a favourite is family tragedy that he is too embarrassed to share.

The polls tend to classify films by genre or specific sport. It is interesting to note that films based on our national sport seem to fail to cut the mustard. If they feature at all, they are very low down the list. There could be two reasons for this: none of them seem to create an inspirational figure and they can get too caught up in cliché. If you must watch a film about football then you could go retro with Escape to Victory, thuggish with Green Street or sentimental with There’s only one Jimmy Grimble.
If critical acclaim is more your thing, the first movie to win Best Picture Academy Award was Rocky in 1976. Other films to gain this title are: Chariots of Fire (1981) Million Dollar Baby (2004), Robert DeNiro also won best Actor for Raging Bull in 1980. All these films will suit the purpose of entertaining you and pulling at everyone else’s heartstrings.
The last option I will give you is sheer comedy value. Films such as Blades of Glory, Baseketball and Dodgeball aren’t necessarily about the true gritty integrity of sport but they will make you laugh. Other films have actually managed to do the sport they explore justice whilst tickling our funny-bone at the same time. Happy Gilmore, Tin Cup, Bull Durham and King Pin all seem to have this magic quality.
So go on, sit back, reach for the Quality Street and let someone else break a sweat.