Silver Service

Life is changing for me. I am giving up a well paid job to chase the dream. All well and good in drunken conversations, but in the cold light of day, the mortgage has to be paid. Therefore, for the first time since I was 22, I have had to consider part time possibilities.
This may sound straightforward but there are actually a confusing plethora of fields to choose from. Since I am loosely considered a professional, I felt under pressure to make a decision that woulld validate my supposed self worth. Everyone has bleated about the wealth of cash there is to be made from tutoring (yawn). Whilst I shan't dismiss this received wisdom, in the absence of imminent exams, no-one wants to pay to subject their children to unnecessary learning opportunities.
I needed something that would bring in the readies and not chip away too brutally at my soul. I chose to apply for a vacancy at Chapter One: A well respected restaurant just outside of Bromley. I was promptly contacted and asked to come in for a "working" interview. In my haste, I accepted without really entertaining the prospect of working for free for two and a half hours.
Upon arriving, I was in awe. In a way it is quite lovely to be out of depth in decadence. I wanted the job.
Why did I gravitate towards the catering industry? I had indulged the idea that I was relatively experienced. I have, after all, worked at Longfield Fish Bar for seven years in my hey day.
I was not prepared for the intracacies of posh dining. There are so many obstacles. When an order is taken, it is protocol to stand in a specific place and number the clientele accordingly. From that point on, their desires are fulfilled without the need to bother them with such inconsequential matters like their order. I had to grapple with silver serving bread rolls; I was useless. I may as well have been using chopsticks for all the skill and panache I exhibited. After chasing an elusive granary square around the dish for an uncomfortable 49 seconds, I came clean about my lack of experience and appealed for the customer to grab it themselves. Polished.
Celebrity guest, Judith Chalmers was almost treated to a jug of ice water being poured over her as I tripped up on my own sense of inadequacy. I did learn certain truths about myself in this relatively short space of time. They basically amount to the fact that I am not a good waitress, at all. Will I get the job? Watch this space....